


Anything to Get the Fuck Out of Sherwood Ohio

by sweetmars03



Category: Heathers: The Musical - Murphy & O'Keefe
Genre: Angst, Homophobic Language, Internalized Homophobia, J.D.'s psychotic, Kurt isn't, Kurt's dad is an ass, M/M, Ram's dead, Veronica's barely mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-04
Updated: 2020-05-04
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:34:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24004417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweetmars03/pseuds/sweetmars03
Summary: A tale of two boys who wanted desperately to escape a world in which no one understood them. One of them got their wish, the other is left behind with the broken pieces of what once was and could've been.
Relationships: Jason "J. D." Dean/Veronica Sawyer, Kurt Kelly/Ram Sweeney
Comments: 8
Kudos: 69





	Anything to Get the Fuck Out of Sherwood Ohio

Kurt doesn’t remember much from that night.

That’s a lie, but it’s one he has to tell himself in order to remain sane. Maybe if he says it enough times, the vivid and detailed and horrifyingly accurate recollection will stop haunting him.

So even though he can see Ram’s lifeless nearly naked body surrounded in a pool of its own blood whenever he closes his eyes, even though he can hear J.D.’s maniacal chant about dinosaurs and gods ringing in his ears if it’s quiet for too long, even though he can still smell the gunpowder burning his nostrils, even though he can feel the ache in his legs and bare feet as he ran for all he was worth, Kurt says it fuzzy. Hazy. He can’t recall.

Which is just as good for him because if J.D. thought he was running his mouth off he would probably do a better job of trying to off him.

It had been a month since Ram’s death.

Murder, his thoughts shouted at him.

‘Suicide’, the sensible part of his brain that didn’t want to be shot at again corrected.

It had been a month and every second of it had been torture. Some days, Kurt wishes he had been slower, that J.D. had better aim, that Veronica hadn’t given away the cue too quick.

Ram, face contorted in pain as he collapsed to the ground and coughed up blood. Ram’s trembling lips weakly but insistently telling Kurt to run. And he did.

Sometimes he wishes he’d stayed by his side, comforted him, hadn’t left him to die cold and alone surrounded by graves staring up at a twinkling sky full of stars mocking him.

It’s not the first time he’s thought to off himself after Ram. School was hell, home was hell, his mind was hell. The fact that he had to see J.D.’s stupid smug face almost every day did absolutely nothing to help his mental state.

He was terrified and tired and so fucking alone.

Sometimes, he missed Ram so much he could almost believe it was going to kill him.

He had been the only thing that had kept him in this godforsaken town as long as it had, in turn he knew he’s the reason Ram had stayed. Maybe if they had both left, years ago, they would be happy somewhere far far away.

But Kurt had stayed and Ram had stayed and now Ram was dead and his murder was happily whistling down the halls of his school with his little girlfriend tucked under his arm, smiling evilly whenever anyone shoved him, called him a faggot, thrusted their cocks in his face and told him to suck them off if he liked it so much.

It might’ve even been bearable. He would’ve been able to stand it, if he had Ram by his side. If he could at least think of the promise that in a few short months they’d be graduating and getting the hell out of here to find some corner of the world to carve out as their own.

But there wasn’t. Really there wasn’t anything left.

Being kicked off the team has been the least of his worries. His asshole teammates had been significantly higher up on the list. J.D. reserved top spot for sure, but slightly beneath him was his father.

When Kurt had gotten over that fence he had ran straight for the nearest house and burst in screaming about Ram.

Sherwood was a small enough town that everyone knew about it in an hour, they had all gotten up to investigate, and the cops had found J.D. and Veronica and Ram’s body in the cemetery, but at that point Veronica had already fashioned the suicide note and J.D. regaled the policemen with the story of how they had caught Kurt kissing Ram and trying to dissuade him from taking his own life before running when he realized he was caught.

Practically everything reminded him of Ram. He couldn’t go more than a few seconds before his brain made some ridiculous jumps to land him back in memories of him, once upon a time when they had been happy, or as happy as you could be when you knew the entire town would lynch you if they had any clue what you got up to when you were alone.

“Hey, Kurt,” He glanced up. Their parents were out and the deep quiet in the house, with every light off, is the only reason they felt comfortable lying together on the couch, chest to chest.

“What?” He had asked. Ram had smiled, not the smug grin he wore at school, not the megawatt one he weaponized against girls and teachers, but the small quirk of the edge of his lips reserved just for Kurt.

“Just wanted to see your face.” He admitted.

Kurt punched him softly.

“Fag,” He called him, burying his face in his collarbone. Ram had laughed.

“Look, who’s talking. You’re definitely the bigger fag out of the two of us.”

Kurt had shrugged but he hadn’t denied it.

The funeral had been… awful beyond words.

He had spent two days trying viciously to convince himself not to go, in the end he knew he wouldn’t be able to. It was the last time he’d see Ram, the last time he’d be able to say goodbye.

Kurt’s father hadn’t appreciated this. Then again he hadn’t appreciated much of anything concerning Kurt after he’d been woken up in the middle of the night by a call telling him his son had been seen running out of the cemetery in his underwear shouting for the whole world to hear about his dead boyfriend.

Everyone had glared at him as he stood off to the side. He’s sure most everyone here just came to mock Ram’s corpse, he was simply an added bonus.

His suit was suffocating him, everyone was staring and angry and a place that should’ve felt like a safe space to say goodbye to the only person he ever loved was permeated by such open hostility.

He took the abuse however. Anything to be able to see him again, even like this, even if he knew it would make everything else worse.

When people were done whispering insults in his ear and shoving him around, not bothering to be discreet about it, he made his way toward the front. No one had spoken. Paul had tried but Bill had told him to shut up when the other man could find nothing else to do except insult his own son.

Ram’s helmet was lying next to the coffin. He remembered asking Ram why he played if he hated it so much, a confession he had only ever made to Kurt, in the dead of the night.

“There are scouts. I could get a scholarship, some university out of state.”

Kurt knew what that meant. Anything to get the fuck out of Sherwood Ohio.

And there was Ram, lying in a coffin. It wasn’t like he was asleep, Kurt had seen Ram asleep a million times, he would always be splayed in the most unlikely positions, like he was scared to be small even in the safety of his bed.

And Ram’s eyes always fluttered when he slept, he was restless and anxious, though maybe that was because Kurt only saw him sleeping when they were sleeping together and if anyone saw them they would both be dead.

Right now he was just… still. Quiet. Ram had never been quiet. If he was quiet he could hear all of his regrets and anxieties, his own brain agreeing with everyone else that he was disgusting and lesser. So he was loud. He’d drown them out.

He didn’t cry. He’d already cried so much and he was certain his own father would beat him without a care for the crowd if he dared do something emasculating in front of witnesses.

He wanted to be able to touch Ram, but he knew this wasn’t Ram, not really. He’d lost his last chance to hold him when he ran. So instead he put his hand over the helmet and closed his eyes and tried his hardest to imagine somewhere where Ram wouldn't be in pain.

Bill had been… quiet. Kurt didn’t blame him.

He was grateful though. Sometimes when it all got to be too much Kurt would show up at Bill’s door, whether it was one in the afternoon or three in the morning and Bill wouldn’t say anything, wouldn’t ask him what he was there for. He’d just open the door and let him go up to Ram’s room, not a single aspect of which had been disturbed since his death and let him bawl his eyes out for however long he needed and never commented on it.

“You know,” Bill said, one of those times where Kurt showed up in the middle of the night looking like he hadn’t slept in days and had ran all the way there.

“I don’t… I don’t get what my boy had with you. But it doesn’t make him wrong. It doesn’t make you wrong either.”

Kurt said nothing. His father’s voice screaming at him, “useless fucking fag”, rang in his ears. He shrugged.

“Doesn’t matter anymore.”

But Bill shook his head.

“You made him happy. Even when I didn’t know why, even when he-” Bill cut himself off. Kurt hadn’t been able to tell him that Ram hadn’t killed himself, that someone, someone still out there walking free without a care in the world, had shot him.

“You still made him happy. And I’m grateful for that. I loved him even if…” He didn’t say it but Kurt knew what he meant. Even if he was a fairy.

“I loved him too.” He’s not sure if it’s exactly what Bill wants to hear, he knows the man is still uncomfortable with the fact that he’s letting his dead son’s boyfriend into his house. He doesn’t understand, probably never will, but it’s fine, cause he doesn’t need to understand to let Kurt have this.

Kurt sat down on Ram’s bed, like he had a hundred times before, when Ram was still here with him. He can see him, out of the corner of his eye, sitting at his desk chair.

“You got the letter?”

Kurt played stupid. Ram had finally gotten his scholarship but Kurt had yet to be contacted by anyone.

“It’s fine. Probably too stupid to get in anywhere.” Smartest guy on the football team, but he knew that didn’t count for much really, and he wasn’t as good as Ram was on the field.

“Hey, don’t get that look on your face. I’m not leaving you here, even if I have to pack you into my suitcase to take you with me.”

Kurt forced out a laugh but went quiet quick. Ram made his way over from the desk and sat down next to him. Kurt tensed up. Bill was in the house, watching TV far too loudly in the living room but he was still there. It was risky, everything was always risky but now more than ever considering Ram actually had a guaranteed shot out of this hellhole.

He got over himself quick though.

Ram put his hand on Kurt’s thigh, squeezed it reassuringly.

“I love you.” It was barely a breath of a whisper. They didn’t say it as much anymore, not since Ram got his letter. One slip up and everything could come crashing down for him. For them.

Kurt had suggested they break it off just to be safe.

Ram had told him not to be dense. “I couldn’t keep away from you if I tried. And you’ve seen me try.”

“I love you, too.” Kurt whispered back.

Glancing at the door and then the window, in quick succession several times to make sure it was locked and the curtains pulled tightly shut, he turned his head and found Ram’s lips, chapped and dry and always the best Kurt had ever had.

He rested his head on the taller boy’s shoulder and sighed.

Anything to get the fuck out of Sherwood Ohio, he had thought, smiling somewhat painfully, remembering what Ram has told him sometime ago, as he thought of Ram cramming him in a suitcase and toting him across the country.

And now, sitting on that bed again with a continental void of what should’ve been but was now gone he bit his lip harshly and tried to stop the tears from pouring.

Ram had finally made it out, willingly or not.

Now what was Kurt supposed to do?

**Author's Note:**

> I know practically no one is going to read this, however, I don't much care because I'm genuinely happy with how it came out and also happy to just put more of this ship content into the world, even if it's incredibly depressing. If anyone actually does enjoy this I might do something that doesn't threaten to tear my heart open in two. Regardless thank you to anyone who actually does read this and I hope you enjoyed.


End file.
